


Stillness

by heathercat56



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Angst, Book 3: Voyager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heathercat56/pseuds/heathercat56
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brianna finds the old 1700s wanted poster of Jamie in a draft manuscript of Frank's book. Claire doesn't exactly take it well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stillness

**Author's Note:**

> I got two prompts along with a few other people as part of auditions to join up with ImagineClaireandJamie. So if you’ve seen this prompt before, no you’re not imagining things. :)   
> “PROMPT #2) Imagine Claire in 1948 (or after) finds one of the old missing posters of herself and/or the sketch of Jamie, the ghost Frank saw outside the window.” 
> 
> The following was my submission for prompt #2. This was intended to be relatively short and evocative, and it wasn’t until looong after I had written this (and submitted it in my haste) that I re-read the prompt and saw that I had indeed imagined that the other half of the prompt was Claire finding the old wanted posters from the 1700s rather than only the 1940s missing posters.   
> Oh well.   
> Hope you enjoy!

**1954**

She couldn’t breathe. 

Claire stumbled out the front door, frantic for relief and inhaled the muggy August Boston air, thick with the scent of the geraniums that Frank liked. Taking large, desperate gulps of it, she impatiently scrubbed at the tears before they could get to her cheekbones to muss up her rouge and attempted to regain the calm she had held to for so long. 

She closed her eyes and slowed her breathing to counts of three. 

_Count of three in._

_Count of three out._

_Count of three in._

_Count of three out._

She pulled five images and concepts to the front of her mind like old photographs from an album and made herself look at them and reflect in order to restore calm. 

_A white feather on a motionless lake._

_The blank last page of a book._

_An empty beautifully furnished room._

_The silence between the ticks of a mantel clock._

_The sweet stillness between breaths._

The tiny patter of feet on the rug behind her. She turned to see Brianna reaching to tug on her hem. “Momma? You okay?” “Yes, sweetie. Momma just needed some fresh air for a second.” She did her best to smile so as not to frighten her daughter. Brianna cocked her head to the side and her mouth twitched a little, unable to decide whether to smile back or not. 

_Just like he does. Did._

Her daughter had asked whether or not there were any pictures in Daddy’s book and knowing there was a draft of it in his office, Claire had encouraged her to flip through its loose pages and see. 

Taking a deep breath, Bree screwed up her face and asked several questions as one long sentence, as small children often do.

“Was the man in the book really scary because the way you went HUH sounded like he was scary like a big ugly spider is that why you were scared momma but I don’t think he looks too scary and maybe the English were scared of him too and that’s why they wanted him and maybe that’s why his picture is in Daddy’s book?”

Claire paused, unsure of what, if anything, could be said in response without shattering like bone china. 

Despite not being given an answer by her mother to any part of this, Bree took her pregnant pause and silence in stride and grinned as if she had answered herself satisfactorily just by asking.She turned on her heel and skipped back into her father’s office to continue turning pages on the draft of the manuscript that sat unattended. 

Claire needed to restore calm or she would embarrass Frank at this dinner they were attending in a few hours with the publisher. She really didn’t want to attend, but Frank had been making more attempts at being nice recently and she was trying to be supportive in kind. 

He hadn’t told her the content of the book, just that it was a compilation of historical research. 

_A white feather on a lake._

_The blank last page of a book._

_An empty room._

_The silence between the ticks of a clock._

_The stillness between breaths._

If he had told her the book was about the Jacobites… But he said nothing…

That would have to sit and fester as yet another example of his lack of trust. These moments acted like Claire’s surgical rib-spreader used for open heart surgery. Making it so that their relationship could never come back together and even start to heal after her trip back through the stones. 

“MOMMAMOMMAMOMMA! This lady looks like you!”, Brianna shouted in the distance. 

Deep breaths. 

_Count of three in._

_Count of three out._

_Count of three in._

_Count of three out._

**Calm**. She needed to be calm. 

_A white feather._

_A blank page._

_An empty room._

_The silence between ticks._

_The stillness between breaths._

If Frank had found the wanted poster for Jamie, then he might have found hers as well. Damn him. She didn’t want to admit to herself the possibility that he had made the connection that it was in fact her in the second wanted poster. 

He had told her to stop looking and she had agreed. 

But she had never made him promise the same in return. 

Damn you, Frank. 

_White._

_Blank._

_Empty._

_Silence._

_Stillness._


End file.
